Reflection
by charisma26
Summary: Chris reflects on his life, before and after coming to the past, whilst he lays dying on his mothers bed. Lots and lots of angst - please R&R! :)


Disclaimer: Charmed does not belong to me! Sad face! Yes I know, ANOTHER, Chris story! Ha-ha! J

The pain consumed him. Literally. As soon as that sharp blade pierced through his skin, cutting through his muscle and scraping his stomach lining he knew… he knew he was a goner. He had a gut feeling that nobody could help him. Chris Halliwell was a fighter, he had to be to survive the awful conditions of the future, but he also knew, at the same time, when it was time to stop and right now was that time.

Of course he couldn't tell his family that. He had to be strong for them, give them hope even though he knew it was hopeless. Despite the pain coursing through his body, making his veins seem on fire and for his muscles to ache horribly, his only thoughts were on his brother. He didn't matter, he was expendable, at least that's what he thought, but Wyatt wasn't. Wyatt was the reason he was here and that was all that mattered: saving Wyatt.

He failed at saving his own family, letting them get slaughtered right in front of them… the least he could do was save his brother from his awful fate. That was what led him here, to the past, and yet he felt like he failed at that too. Wyatt was gone, taken, kidnapped, right in front of his eyes and there was nothing he could do. He just prayed, with whatever once of strength that he had left, that his dad could save him, find him before the future was destroyed for good.

Despite his continuous sayings that he was 'saving the future' the main reason, and the most important one to him, was getting his brother back. The first fourteen years of his life was bliss and perfect. He and Wyatt were brothers, best friends, they had a connection – Chris could confide in Wyatt about everything; the absentee dad, his mother's stress, school problems. But all of that went to hell, quite literally.

While he was lying there, struggling for breath, a memory sprung to mind. Quite a fond memory, at least in his eyes. He and Wyatt were walking home from school, not long before Wyatt turned, when his brother gripped him by the shoulders and said "No matter what happens we're brothers okay? And that's all that matters". When Wyatt had told Chris that in such a serious voice, it confused him, but the warmth spread through his heart because it showed how much Wyatt cared. At least, Chris thought he did.

_"Wash your hands before dinner Chris"_

_"Do you need help with your homework honey?"_

_"Do you want to help me in the kitchen? We could make double chocolate chip cookies"_ He remembered his mom's voice so clearly in his head as though she was standing right next to him and it comforted him, making him more at ease. His mom was the best, unlike his dad she was always there for him and did her best in raising them singlehandedly.

Chris sighed and closed his eyes briefly, trying to muster up more strength. He could feel himself beginning to fade and his heart beginning to slow down. He knew it was useless to fight and even though he thought he was content with dying (well, he was going to be reborn, literally) but he would be stupid to deny it didn't scare him.

The fact that he didn't know what was waiting for him on the 'other side' made him more nervous. Where would he go? Would he just fade away and cease to exist? Would he be transported back to the new future? Everything was confusing, especially since his brain was too foggy to even think.

_"You're worthless Chris and, quite frankly, useless"_

Despite that being said over eight years ago it still hurt him more than any blade could. It was no words a son should hear from his father. Of course, that had changed now, but it didn't make the memories go away.

His dad was horrible to him and that made him incredibly bitter, he knew that, but over the last few months since he'd got closer to his family and made amends with his dad, he felt it made him a better person. He was able to let go of his anger, or at least some of that, and maybe that was why he was okay with dying – because he'd done more than he ever set out to accomplish.

Chris let out a shaky breath, blinking away the fuzziness. He saw Paige standing in the corner, torrents of tears running down her cheeks. She was sad? He wanted to comfort her, let her know everything was okay but he just… couldn't. Why couldn't he move? Everything was blurring together and he couldn't even remember people's faces anymore.

_"Are you Wyatt's little brother?"_ He gave a small, internal smile – his aunt Phoebe really was unlike anything else, and he was glad she found out first. He always had a special connection with her and that was why he felt the tears brimming in his eyes. He would never get to say goodbye to her… or mom, he thought sadly. The most important women in his life and he didn't get to see their faces again.

With a deep breath to calm himself he closed his eyes, feeling his dad's calloused hands wiping the hair off his forehead, his pleading voice begging for him to come back but he couldn't, his own body wouldn't respond.

He just wanted to hug his mom, talk to his aunts and comfort his dad – tell them all how much they meant to him, tell them how much he loved them, tell them how sorry he was he couldn't take that last step in saving Wyatt – he was putting all his faith in his dad and that the paternal love would conquer all.

He felt himself slipping, like when you fall on ice and can't stop yourself, well that's exactly how it felt. The pain was gone now, leaving a dull, humming ache in its place and, in a way, he wanted the pain back – if it meant he was still holding on.

And just like that, Chris Halliwell took his last shuddering breath, content as much as anyone could be dying in his father's arms. He faded away like a leaf blowing in the wind, the last thing that his bottle green eyes saw was his dad's tear stained face, crying over his lost son.

Despite all the pain, the horror, guilt, sadness... Chris Halliwell knew that he helped make the world a better place, helped his family be whole again and that… that was better than any reward imaginable.

**Yeah, I like angst stuff! Ha! So please let me know what you think! Love you all! Xx haha! :)**


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